Letters to Grandma 12/14/12

I've been avoiding this. Writing you/about you. I'm afraid. Of what's going to come out. Of the tears. Of verbalizing/scripting the emotions I keep trying to stuff down.

I know I need to do this. To help me grieve. To help me through. It hurts. I need to cry.

I'd been doing so great. I thought I was over the hump. On my way to being on the mend. I was thinking I was ok.

Little did I know.

Thanksgiving morning was hard. As I tried to make your rolls, the ones everyone loves, I cried so hard. I know they say its ok and it'll take time for me to get them right. I have such a hard time with not getting them right. Such. A. Hard. Time.

As it gets closer to Christmas. My heart breaks more. I'm excited for WonderBoy's first Christmas. But oh so sad that your not here. To see him. Princess. To see how much she loves her brother. To see how much he loves her. To see their love for life.

To see S and how great he's doing at his job. He quit smoking ya know! I'm so incredibly proud. Of the man he's becoming. you would be too.

And E. his girl J. She's perfect for him. She compliments him. He's doing so good. In school. Working. I'm proud of all he's accomplishing. I know. You would be too.

Everyone else is doing good too. I think They're all doing better. Better than me.

I know your so extremely happy. Your in a better place. I'm selfish. For wanting you here.

I love you.

My kids will always know you. The love you had for everyone. Especially your love for God.


P.s. I do feel a little better now.

A Christmas Challenge: Christmas Cards

I absolutely LOVE receiving Christmas cards in the mail. I try not to look at the return address and I also try not to look at the handwriting too closely. I like to be surprised when I open the card!

Who knows what picture will be on there? Will it be funny? Or a gorgeous family moment captured in time? Will there've multiple photos showing the progression of the kids over the last year? What background did they choose? It's so exciting to read them.

Then I decorate a wall or post or something in the house with all the Christmas cards we get. It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me without cards all over the house.

I remember growing up, we had doors with shutters in them leading into the kitchen. My mom ALWAYS hung the Christmas cards in the slots. I hope my kids will remember things like this as well.

So I love to receive them. However, I am downright AWFUL at sending them out. Every year I pick out pictures and look at all the coupons and websites....etc etc etc. I NEVER get any further than that though. (I think I may have 1 year since princess was born) I don't know why I'm just not good with cards of any kind. I always say "maybe next year ill actually get some mailed out". Well not this year!

How about you, Do you do Christmas cards? Why?

A Christmas Challenge

Oohgioia has invited me to participate in her Christmas Challenge. Every day until Christmas she will be blogging (that's one part of the challenge) about something Christmas related. She will also try to remain positive (that's the second part of her challenge).

I gladly accepted!

This is my absolute favorite time of year, but it's also my first Christmas without my Grandma. It's also WonderBoy's first Christmas!

We are doing an advent bible study so sometimes I will post things related to that. We will also be doing "serves" this month, one a week (where we serve others) so I will post those as well.

There will be some other blogs joining in as well and I will link to them as soon as they post. Even if you don't blog you can join in by leaving a comment in the blog or Facebook or just writing it down in a notebook. Whatever suits you, I hope you'll join in!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year"

"It's the hap- happiest season of all"

"And unto us a savior is born"